What in the world is happening to me
by Artimashunt
Summary: I'm saying it's almost a yaoi because I didn't really have much action but it is two of the male characters falling in love with each other. The rating is simply precautionary. It's written in Feury's point of view.


I was on my knees in the breakroom fiddling with a radio that I had set on the coffee table. sure, it was my break but the colonel needed this fixed, and I didn't mind. Being a technician was my job, I was supposed to help fix anything when it broke even if it was on my break. The colonel had been warry about asking me to do it - he's so considerate - but of course I said yes! People say I'm much to nice and I aught to stick up for myself, but agreeing to help out a team I am a part of even when it's my break shouldn't be that bad...

As I worked, fixing wires here and there, the door opened to reveal Jean Havoc, a cigarette already in his mouth and a lighter coming up with the little flame ready to ignite the small roll of paper and chemicles. "What are you doing, working on your break, Feury?" He said around his cigarette, not a word had been marred by the stub in his mouth - something I figured he must have practiced over years of smoking.

"Colonel Mustang needed this to be fixed as soon as possible," I said, somehow cheerfully. "I don't mind working a little bit on my break - I like working with radios."

Havoc raised an eyebrow at me, "I'd never give up my break, but that's just me." he said as he sat down in a spinning chair and smoked his cigarette as he slowly turned in the chair. I could see his golden spikey bangs from behind, and as he spun back towards me I saw his bright blue eyes locking with mine for the few seconds I was in his view. I shook my head as he turned away, why was I staring? I'd always thuoght staring was rude, and here I was, staring!I went back to working on the radio but as havoc came around again I felt his gaze on my back - maybe he was the one staring... not me.

I continued fixing the radio , moving wires here and there and soon until i was finished. Havoc hadn't left yet though, so I pretended to keep fiddling with the radio... maybe that was lying but I just didn't feel like I should leave, as if when i did Havoc would be sad or... I don't know. I was being ridiculous. It didn't take long for the Second Lieutenant's third cigarette burned out and he left the break room all to myself. When he did I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Why hadn't I just left? There was no point to staying when the Colonel needed his radio back!

I picked up the radio and brought it the Colonel Mustang's desk and quickly left for my own small office that was packratted with wires and tools and pieces of metal everywhere - and even a few expeiriments I had been working on. I cleared the desk of most of the junk and crossed my arms on its top, laying my head on my elbows and let out a deep sigh. What was wrong? Why did I feel so sad? I hadn't done anything wrong and yet something was nawing within me!

Quitting time came and I packed up all of my supplies I intended on bringing back to my military issued dorm. As I walked out of the front doors of Central command I saw the Second Lieutenant leaning against a pillar not to far of the door. I turned to him, ignoring the odd wrenching feeling I had in my gut, and said in my normal cheerful voice "Hey Havoc! Whatcha waiting for?"

"Nothing... I suppose. I was just wanted to finish this before I walked to my dorm." He said as he stamped out the end of who knew what number cigarette that was.

"Great then! We can walk together!" Why had I just said that, what was the point? Despite the confusion I felt in my head my face was just as smiling as it ever was. Havoc seemed to not mind though and he walked along side me the whole way to the dorm. I felt dwarfed, small, childish next to Havoc and his almost intimidating height. Why couldn't I be taller like the rest of the people in my section? Even Hawkeye was taller than me, and she's a girl...

We walked in silence most of the way, I couldn't think of what to say to him! I was to busy trying to ignore the knot in my stomach. Havoc didn't seem to mind, though there was an air of sadness. he didn't seem to be acting right. Havoc, I knew, was the kind to be making sarcastic cracks at anything and everything... but there he was walking in silence, a frown perched on his lips that curled downward around the cagarette he had just lit.

When we arrived at my dorm we said our goodbyes - trivial, I know, but it was polite - but I felt I had to say something.

"Havoc, why do you smoke?" I said, my voice must have been filled with childish curiosity. Why couldn't I just seem more mature!

"Hmm.." Havoc blinked and considered my question. "I have to much stress in my life, these just helpout." He put simply, none of the normal Havoc tone I was so used to after years of working. It seemed as if all the emotion was drained out of his voice, as if it would take to much energy to feel. Instead of questioning firther, I just nodded and slipped into my dorm.

When I closed my door I just slid down against it. Something was wrong with the world around me, and it was just - I couldn't tell you know or then what it was. I was just felt like something was wrong.

A few days passed, and they whipped by in a blur. Nothing seemed to happen, nothing at all. It wasn't till three days after I walked home with Havoc did anythign interesting occur. That is until I walked into the break room after work to find Havoc, sitting on the spinning chair, his head in his hands. He wasn't moving, he wasn't even smoking a cigarette. He was just there, nothing else. I was frozen at the door, I hadn't disturbed him and I still didn't want to. I failed though.

Havoc's haunted electric blue eyes found my face, in them were the ghosts of tears along with the silvery tracks that were so accustomed to being on my face... not on Havoc's. Not on the strong blond's. He was obviously embaressed because seconds later he passed by me, brushing my shoulder as he left. I couldn't have caught him if I tried, his legs were carrying him at a higher speed than I could jog. As I watched his retreating figure my stomach was just winding tighter and tighter.

I heard a sigh behind me, and turned to see Colonel Mustang. My eyes were watery now, as they always did when I saw someone else in pain. "Colonel," I sniffed, "What's wrong with Havoc?"

"I'm afraid his state is my fault." he stared down at his shoes and shook his head. "He hasn't been the same since I turned him down."

"He- Havoc- You?" my words were uttered and confused, and a knew feeling emeged in my chest like a flame that burned inside me. I felt almost angry at the Colonel.

"Come, sit down... A few days ago th Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc." I was sure he said Jean's full title so that I would make no mistake in understanding what the Colonel was saying. "He came to me and confessed his... feelings. I told him I didn't return them - and I unfortunately blundered in saying I was in love with another... Riza to be exact."

My eyes grew wide, things began to click from the past few days. When I was in the break room Havoc hadn't been staring at me, I had just happened to be in his line of sight as he thought about the Colonel. The feeling I got that Havoc didn't want me to leave was either mistaken or because Havoc didn't want to be left alone. Havoc must have been stressed when Roy turned him down, which could easily have influenced the way he was speaking to me. Of course they were all estimates, but they were logical to me.

"The poor man hasn't been the same since." Colonel Mustang sighed and got up, leaving the break room and leaving me starstruck. I got up and ran after Havoc, he must have been heading towards his own home. I needed to get there as fast as possible - to do what, I didn't know.

It took a while, even though I was running at top speed my little legs could barely run fast. When I got to Havoc's place the door was a crack open and I slammed it further open. In Havoc's hand was a gun, and it was pointed straight under his chin. It wasn't touching his skin but I knew it wouldn't take much for him to pull the trigger.

"Havoc no!" I'd never sounded so forceful in my life. The gun dropped and Havoc's tear stremed face stared at me, his eyes haunted. He was staring his mouth open, gaping. "Don't you dare even think of that!" I screamed, tears running down my face, "Don't you dare leave me!" my voice was squeeky. Where had those words come from? What in the world was I saying.

"Feu-Feury? Wh-what are you doing?" Havoc's voice stuttered, lacking the confidence it always had.

"I'm saving you from make a dumb mistake! Havoc, you can't leave me!" I said as I crossed the room and picked up Havoc's gun. i unloaded it and tossed the bullets aside. "You can't just leave us like that, even if Roy doesn't love you... you... you can't leave me like this." The tears in my eyes were flowing freely now "Sure, die in battle in a blaze of glory, but don't take your own life when we all need you."

"Feury, what are you... are you saying?" Confusion was eminent on Havoc's face, but I knew he had some inkling of what I meant. That I needed him. At the time the concept was odd - I had never really though of love after I passed my teens, the military assure that, but now. I turned around and began to leave, but stopped at the door.

"Just don't leave me." I said and let another tear drop to the floor. i ran to my own door and felt so embaressed, what the hell had I just done? When I got to my room I flopped onto it and just stayed there. I had just done the most daring thing I had ever done and it was just taring at my entire being. It wasn't long before I heard a knock at the door though. I wiped my eyes clear and walked to open the door, though I was still sniffling up a storm.

The door opened to Havoc who was there puffing on a cigarette. His eyes showed none of the pain and sadness that had once been there. I just stood there and stared up at him. Havoc blew a smoke ring out into the air. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and before I knew it his lips were on mine, it was a soft and passionate kiss. Havoc drew back and and put on that smirk I had come to know. His lips had tasted bitter, like the smoke, but there was something sweet behind it...

"Thanks, you saved me." He said, and then I finally knew, I had been so thick earlier. The feeling in my gut for the last few days - it had been love. I was in love with Jean Havoc.

"You would have done the same for me." I said, blush was on my cheeks.

"That may be so, but you did come for me. No one else - it was you."Havoc said, there was something in his voice then, it might not have been sarcasm, but it was welcomed by my ears. My blush just deepened, I tried to say something but I just mumbled senselessly.

"Ya-yu-you w-want to-to c-come in?" I offered, stuttering like a complete and uder idiot, and Havoc nodded. I opened the door wider and stepped aside as Havoc came in. As he did, his hand snaked and claimed wouldn't this blush just go away?! We walked to my small table and I offered to make tea for the Second Lieutenant. He nodded and sat back in his chair, tipping it a bit off the ground on the front. When I walked into the kitchen - out of sight from Havoc - I leaned against thecounter and just stood there dumbfounded for a moment. Had it really just happened? I looked over the corner of the kitchen, and sure enough Jean was still there, I hadn't imagine it.

Soon I came tottering out of the kitchen with a heavy tray with tea and cups. I set it on the table and before I could go and sit across from him, Havoc pulled me into the seat next to him instead. I was slightly dazed by the whole day, and I found myself staring at Jean for countless minutes. I found my hand in his once again, and the Second Lieutenant had claimed my lips as well. This time I broke away.

"You - you keep doing that but I-I thought you loved the Colonel..." sadness was eminent in my squeeky voice, even I could hear it. Havoc grabbed my chin in his rough calloused hands, and our eyes met together.

"I don't know why I though I loved him, he's harsh and cruel despite his nice moments." he said, not blinking even once. "You, you're one of the kindest people I know - I was just too damn stupid to see it." this time I started the kiss, throwing my arms around his neck, pulling him in. His hands were at my back pulling me in as well. What happened next? Let's just say we let the tea get cold...


End file.
